Well, we did it again. England scored a goal in the 2026 World Cup Semi Final and immediately decided the best course of action was to park a fleet of double-decker buses in our own half. It is a familiar, painful story. We get an early breakthrough, and suddenly the team transforms into a frantic re-enactment of the Alamo.
Unsurprisingly, the post-match analysis was a joy to behold. The television studio was packed with ex-players tearing into the tactical setup. They told us with absolute certainty that the manager got it all wrong. Well yes, he probably did, mostly evidenced by the fact that we lost. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, especially when it comes with a cushy broadcaster salary.
But here is the bit that really winds me up. These pundits, these newfound paragons of attacking football, used to pull on the England shirt themselves. And guess what they did when they went a goal up? They sat deep, panicked, and invited the opposition right back into the game. It is peak hypocrisy. They seem to have conveniently wiped their own eras of terrified defending from their memories.
Sitting back and inviting pressure is a stubborn tradition of the English game, right up there with queuing and complaining about the rain. It is a tradition we desperately need to kick into touch. Until we learn to actually dictate a match instead of merely surviving it, we will be stuck listening to the exact same pundits delivering the exact same lectures for years to come.
Oh well. There is always the Euros. That gives us just enough time to blindly convince ourselves that football is finally coming home, right before we inevitably retreat to the edge of our own penalty box in the knockout stages.
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