Reader, Reader, on the Blog Wall, Fire Away!

Right then! Do you fancy getting stuck into a good old-fashioned Q&A? Well, grab your cuppa, pull up a wonky garden chair, and let's chinwag like it's a Friday night down the local chippy.

I'm opening the ol' blog doors wide open, inviting your questions like seagulls to a freshly-dropped chip butty. Anything, and I mean anything, goes (as long as it's decent, eh?). Ask me about my deepest, darkest secrets (spoiler: I used to wear socks with sandals as a teen), prod me about my writing process (it involves copious amounts of tea and biscuit crumbs), or even grill me on my favourite brand of baked beans (Heinz, obviously, don't be daft).

Now, before you get carried away and ask me how many penguins it would take to fill the Royal Albert Hall (a surprisingly common question, let me tell you), there are a few ground rules:

  1. Keep it clean. This ain't the backstreets of Whitehaven, so leave the X-rated inquiries at the pub. Think PG-13, but with a healthy dose of British humour, if you please.
  2. Don't be shy. Whether you're a seasoned wordsmith or haven't written a sentence since your school report on "My Hamster," go for it! Don't worry about sounding posh or clever, just let your inner chatterbox loose.
  3. Prepare for silliness. My answers might be as informative as a fortune cookie written by a drunken parrot, but hey, at least you'll get a laugh.

So, there you have it. Ask away! Let's turn this blog into a virtual cacophony of curiosity and (hopefully) witty repartee. And remember, the more outrageous the question, the more likely I am to answer it with an embarrassing anecdote from my youth. You've been warned!

Are you brave enough? Don't be a clot, fire away! And remember, the kettle's always on if you fancy a brew. Just don't blame me if the biscuits mysteriously disappear... 


  1. Have you ever?

    1. Now that's a question as wide as t'Lake District on a rainy day! Let's just say there's enough tales in my proverbial teacup to fill Ullswater and then some. I've seen sheep judged drunker than a reet good reiver at a market after hours, watched a squirrel nick a pasty from a pensioner's bag faster than a whippet on a rabbit run, and even stumbled upon a Morris dancer who could twirl like a sheepdog chasing a rogue sock. Aye, I've seen it all, or at least enough to make a crow laugh! So, what's your mischief, eh? Spit it out, and I'll let you know if I've ever outdone it!

  2. What's your favourite smell?

    1. I'm sweet on the whiff of Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb, a proper blokey scent that is. Then there's nowt quite like the air just after a good downpour, fresh as a daisy. Can't lie though, there's summat strangely satisfying about a good whiff of my own farts! Maybe not the most polite answer, but they say it keeps ya healthy, and who am I to argue with that?!


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Notice: Before you unleash your keyboard's fury, a gentle reminder that this comment section is a friendly tavern, not a gladiatorial arena. So, sharpen your wit, not your insults.

Down The Rabbit Hole.. Posts That Sparked Curiosity:

Night Shift Reward: Lentil Soup and the Sainthood of Spouses

Farewell, Twitter: A Social Media Detox

Night Shift Nosh: Battling the Blues with Butties in Whitehaven

DIY: I'd Rather Wrangle a Badger Than Paint a Wall

The Race Card in British Politics: A Dangerous Trajectory

Blessed Relief: Aloe Vera Soap Saved My Skin

Midget Gems: Tiny Treats, Massive Addiction

Squeegee: My Trusted Weapon

The End: A Month in Mediocrity

Friday the 1st: Hail No to the Vet!