The Great Bog Roll Brawl: Under or Over?

The Great Bog Roll Brawl. A conflict older than crumpets, fiercer than a queue for Greggs at lunchtime. Paper over or under? A question that's divided families, sparked office arguments, and left many a bewildered foreign visitor wondering if Britain secretly worships the porcelain throne. As a proud (ish) Brit, I feel compelled to wade into this under-discussed, yet critically important, matter.

Now, some claim it's a matter of personal preference. "Fancy a bit of visual stimulation? Over it goes!" they cry. Others, perhaps those clutching onto pearls and fainting couches, shriek, "Underneath, you savages! Have you no decorum?" But I say, pish posh to personal preference! This, my friends, is about more than aesthetics. This is about civilisation.

Team Underneath will argue their flimsy case with claims of "easier access," "hygiene," and even the ever-popular, "that's how they do it in fancy hotels!" To them, I say: poppycock! Easier access? Have you ever met a toddler? They could contort themselves into a human pork scratching to snag a rogue square from under. Hygiene? Unless you're showering after every visit (doubtful, judging by the state of some public loos), that argument is as flimsy as bog roll itself. And fancy hotels? Pfft, they probably have robots dispensing the stuff directly onto your bum for maximum "hygiene." Don't be fooled by their bidet-fuelled fancypants ways!

The truth is, the over orientation is the only logical, nay, noble, position. Consider the evidence:

  • Visual aesthetics: Let's face it, the end of a toilet roll ain't pretty. Why hide its shame in the shadows? Embrace the full Monty, let the sunshine (or at least the dim bathroom bulb) illuminate its glory.
  • Accessibility for all: Think of the visually impaired, the fumbling of old age, the general clumsiness of the human race. Over it goes, for easy grasping and unravelling, no contortions required.
  • The "cat factor": We all know felines have an inexplicable fascination with the forbidden fruit. Underneath? Catnip for their destructive paws. Over it stands, a majestic, un-paw-able throne.

So, there you have it. The case for over is irrefutable. Join me, fellow Brits, in this righteous crusade against underhanded bog roll practices! Let us stand united, a nation of over-rollers, and banish the under-dwellers to the dustbin of history (along with lukewarm tea and beige carpets). Together, we can create a brighter, more convenient, and frankly, more aesthetically pleasing bathroom future!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bog roll holder to re-position and a bidet-less revolution to lead. Cheers!

Toilet Roll Brawl


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