Stuck in Beige Purgatory: The West Cumberland Hospital

Picture this: you're visiting a loved one at the West Cumberland Hospital in Whitehaven. Now, this ain't no luxury spa with cucumber water and mood lighting. This is the real deal, folks. The 50 shades of beige corridors stretch on forever, like a never-ending episode of "The Office" filmed in a paint factory. And let's not forget the elevators – a labyrinth of buttons where level 3 is the ground floor, and level 1, well, let's just say it's not where you want to end up unless you're auditioning for "Weekend at Bernie's 3." (Spoiler alert: they already filmed that one.)

Fun fact for you trivia fiends: it was the first "District General" hospital built after the NHS launched, basically the pioneer of its time. Now, I'm no architect, but let's just say the corridors haven't exactly shed their 70s charm. Think David Lynch directing a beige documentary.

Now, I'm not knocking the hospital itself. The staff are brilliant, the care is top-notch. But let's be honest, navigating this place is like trying to escape the Minotaur's maze with only a half-eaten Hob Nob for sustenance.

  • Beige-a-thon: The walls, the floors, the ceiling – it's all the colour of a particularly overcooked potato. It's enough to make you crave a kaleidoscope just for a shot of colour. 
  • Elevator Roulette: So you think level 1 is the ground floor? Think again, my friend! It's a one-way ticket to the land of formaldehyde and chilly toes. Unless, of course, you're into that kind of thing. No judgement here.
  • The Great Signpost Mystery: Need directions? Good luck! The signs are about as helpful as a mime explaining quantum physics. You're better off following a herd of confused pigeons – at least they might lead you to a decent cuppa.
  • The Unexpected Cafe: Just when you think you'll succumb to beige-induced despair, you stumble upon a beacon of hope – the cafe! Here, you can find delights such as lukewarm sausage rolls and mystery meat pasties (contents may vary, excitement guaranteed). 

Look, I know hospitals aren't supposed to be amusement parks. But a little humour can go a long way, especially when you're lost in a beige labyrinth with questionable elevator destinations. So, if you find yourself at West Cumberland Hospital, remember: laugh, don't cry (unless you're actually in the morgue, then maybe a few tears are warranted). And for the love of all that is holy, don't press level 1 on the elevator. You've been warned.

West Cumberland Hospital


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