Sinusitis: Nasal Niagara and a Throbbing Noggin

This morning, I bring you a tale of woe, snot, and enough decongestant to fell a rhino. Yes, I've been struck down by the dreaded sinusitis, that merry prankster of the head colds.

Imagine this: you're nestled in your bed, dreaming of fields of daffodils and fluffy sheep (cos, you know, Cumbria), when all of a sudden, your nose decides to reenact Niagara Falls. Next thing you know, your head feels like it's been repeatedly thumped by a Morris dancer's clog, and your Garmin watch, that little electronic snitch, informs you your resting heart rate has taken a nosedive (pun intended, sorry not sorry). 

Yep, folks, that was me last night. Sleep? More like a restless battle against a tidal wave of mucus and a throbbing noggin. Paracetamol has become my best mate, sinus tablets my new religion, and tissues? Well, let's just say Kleenex should send me a lifetime supply.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Cheer up, it's just a cold!" Aye, you lot are right, it's nothing major. But let me tell you, when you sound like Darth Vader gargling gravel and your face feels like a pufferfish, even the simplest tasks become Herculean feats. Blowing your nose becomes an Olympic sport, fetching a glass of water feels like climbing Scafell Pike, and don't even get me started on trying to hold a conversation. Every word comes out muffled and garbled, like I'm auditioning for a role in "The Muppets Christmas Carol."

But hey, amidst the misery, there's gotta be some humour, right? Like the time I tried to take a selfie to document my suffering, only to look like a particularly congested bulldog. Or the moment I sneezed so hard, I swear I saw my neighbours two doors down wince.

If anyone knows how to exorcise a demon from my sinuses, hit me up in the comments. Asking for a friend... obviously. 

English Bulldog


  1. Just an update, 24hrs later - I'm right as rain.

    Right as rain - it's a strange saying, isn't it?

    Imagine a clock meticulously crafted by Swiss raindrops, keeping perfect time. Or a freshly washed car gleaming like a rainbow after a storm. That's the kind of "right as rain" we're talking about. Basically, if Mary Poppins did a quality check, she'd give it a thumbs-up 👍


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